Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
