Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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