Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
