We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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