I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
