I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
