do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
