i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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