i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
