eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
