I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
