I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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