I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
