No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
