Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
