I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
