I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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