So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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