know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
