I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
