this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
