I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
