Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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