I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
