lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
