doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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