so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
