My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
