Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
