His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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