That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
