Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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