she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
