hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
