Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
