The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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