According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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