I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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