My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
