my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so let's talk penis.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize