I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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