Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Small penises have feelings too.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
