On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
