She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
