The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
