nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found puke in my bra..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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