As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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