we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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