Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
