his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
