So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
