Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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