hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
