jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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