I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
