tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
