I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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