I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
