Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
