Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
