i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
