me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize