Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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