just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
