I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
