Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
