two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pants are for mortals
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
