PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
