Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
