Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
