He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
